Everytime I don't, I almost do
by olivia-gail
Summary: What if Finn stayed in the army? View into Rachel's mind. Starts at "The New Rachel" Finchel story


_**Hey, guys I'm so sorry, really I am. But I hope this makes up for it, it takes place after "The New Rachel" and Finn is still in the army. Kurt and Blaine break-up in the middle of this somewhere, but I focused on Rachel so here it is…**_

_**Oh and I don't own glee, if I did this is how it would go:)**_

"_I'm just taking a greyhound on the **Hudson** river line…"_

I can't help but stall for a moment. Just his name takes me back, to the first kiss, the proposal, the train station. No matter what I do I can't get him out of my mind. Every little thing around me reminds me of him. I do a double-take every time I see a guy who's about 6 foot and has brown hair but it's never him and it never will be.

"_I'm in a New York state of mind." _

That can't be more of a lie; my mind is in Georgia, where he is. The final notes of the song come and Brody stands and claps as the whole class stares at him like he's absolutely crazy. Apparently that's the wrong way to do things around here,

"Good." Carmen says and I take that as my cue to take my seat next to Brody.

Brody. He's my other problem. He's a really sweet guy and incredibly sexy, so there's something there physically, but emotionally? No. Never. Never anyone but Finn.

"Hey Rachel!" speaking of him.

"Hey Brody" I reply with a lot less enthusiasm as he leans over the park bench I'm sitting on.

"What are you doing?" He peeks over my shoulder to see me scrolling through pictures of Finn. Why am I so hopelessly devoted? The guy hasn't called me for months and I'm still in love.

"Nothing" I finally respond and turn off my phone.

"Well, you want to do something?" He asks with an adorable half smile that quasi-resembles Finn's, maybe that's why I can't help but say yes.

I know, I know. It's shouldn't have happened. I love Finn and I feel terrible. Then again we 'surrendered' and I'm still not sure what that means. But he hasn't called me for months, so I guess that does mean break-up. So that would make kissing Brody OK, right? I don't even know. I twist the knob open to reveal Kurt's and my apartment.

"Hey! Where you been?" Kurt asks

I sigh and flop down next to him on the couch.

"What?" he asks worried. I shove my face into a pillow and tell him the whole story in mumbles. Silence. I look up at him, "What do you think?"

He takes a deep breath "Well, I-I'm…Did you kiss him?"

"Yeah" I say kinda disappointed

"There you go, your disappointed." He says and walks into the kitchen

I sigh "But you know he hasn't called me for months."

More silence.  
"He called you didn't he."

"Yeah" he replies quickly and quietly.

"And…" I prompt

"Nothing really specific, he's fine."

"Did he ask about me?"

"Yeah"

"AND…" I raise my voice and sit up

"He thinks you don't want to talk to him," Kurt's voice gets quieter as the sentence goes on. "And you hate him."

I throw myself back down on the couch.

"Why is my life so complicated?" I scream into a pillow but it just sounds like gibberish.

The next week I'm getting ready for dance class as Cassandra walks in,

"Ok! Since I'm over teaching all of you, I've decided to bring in some upperclassmen to help out, so pair up!"

Brody walks up to me and my heart skips a beat, until the words come out of his mouth because they sound just like Finn "Hey, Rach. How's it going? I haven't seen you for a while."

"It's Rachel" I snap

"Oh…sorry."

"There's only one person who can call me Rach and he's not you." I take a deep breath "But since you asked," I smile "I've landed my first off-Broadway audition."

"What!?"

"I know I'm so excited! And I'm going to be spending my weekends rehearsing, would you like to help?"

"Sure, sure"

_Meanwhile after class. Brody's POV_

"Brody!" Cassandra yells at me before I can walk out the door.

"Yes?"

"I'm looking for a new TA and I think you'd be perfect but it's going to mean a lot of late nights, a lot of time out of school, helping me plan lessons-"

"Doesn't matter. I'm in."

"Good decision. We start Saturday." She starts to walk away

"Wait! Can we start next weekend, I promised Rachel I'd help her."

She doesn't even turn around, just laughs; I guess that's a no. I walk into the hallway and call Rachel.

"Hello?"

"Hey Rachel, it's me"

"Hi Brody," She sounds really happy "What's going on?"

"Umm…It's just that I can't do Saturday, This really big thing came up."

"Oh, ok that's fine. Some other time?" She sounds disappointed

"Yeah, of course, some other time." But I don't really think that's going to happen.

_Back to Rachel's POV_

It's Saturday night and I'm suppose to be with Brody but he canceled, so Kurt and I are on the couch watching West Side Story.

"Hey Kurt?" I ask

"Yeah?"

I take a deep breath "If you have plans with a guy, and he cancels on you what does that mean?"

"It depends what did he say?"

"He said something big came up."

"Something big? That's kinda vague, could be a bad sign."

"You think?"

He turns to face me and grabs my hand "But it doesn't matter, we don't need any guys, we have our dreams and our futures ahead of us and we don't need any stupid guys to hold us back."

I smile, "Your right, we don't need them." But for some reason Finn still crosses my mind, maybe I do need him.

"Oh, and umm…," he adds "Carole called, and umm…Finn's coming home."

"What?"

"Umm…he hurt his arm and they're sending him home."

"That's, that's great." I put on a fake smile and Kurt leaves the conversation leaving me alone with my thoughts

The next Monday I'm back in dance class and I hear two girls behind me gossip, I usually tune them out but today I can't help but listen.

"I heard that Cassandra wanted Brody to be her assistant, but they ended up sleeping together."

The other girl laughs "I believe it, but I though he was with that one girl."

"He is" the first girl smiles evilly.

"Wow, what a naughty boy." They both giggle.

I can't believe it; he cheated on me, not that we were dating but kinda. Well, actually I can believe it, he always seemed kinda like that and I guess we aren't really dating. I open my phone to send him a quick text before class starts and I see a text from Finn, it reads:

Hey, so I'm in Lima and really sorry and I would really like to talk.

_It takes everything in me not to call you_

So I reply:

I Almost Do By Taylor Swift

I see him across campus and run

"Brody" his head pops up and he looks like he may bolt the other way, but he doesn't

"Why didn't you respond to my texts?"

He signs "I've just been really busy, Cassandra asked me to be her TA and it's been crazy."

"Yeah, I heard, but that's not all I heard." He gets a deer-in-the-headlights-look.

"Rachel, I-"

"I don't even want to hear it. Gosh, I'm so dumb I should have know a guy like you," I sigh and motion to him "And I gave up on the love of my life for you. Do you have an idea how dumb that makes me feel? I thought we had something special, but we don't your just a player, who has no feelings for me whatsoever." I walk away leaving him dumbstruck.

"I dumped Brody." I say as I walk through the door of our apartment in a one tone voice.

"Good job!" Kurt smiles "I mean what kinda of guy flirts with you and then sleeps with your teacher."

"Right!" I sigh "Now I just have to worry about Finn."

"What are you going to do about him?"

"I don't know I think I'm going to wait for him to make the first move, then decide."

"That sounds smart." He gives me a hug

"What about you?" I ask "I've been so wrapped up in myself. How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine; I really meant it when I said I'm better off."

"Well," I smile "At least one of us has this relationship thing figured out."

He laughs "Yeah, I wish I did."

It's 2am and I can't sleep, I can only think about how empty my bed feels without Finn in it. Then it hits me, it doesn't matter what he does, I know I'm going to take him back in a heart beat. I can't wait any longer I pick up my phone and walk around the apartment,

_Finn, I love you and I can't even remember why we aren't talking, but whatever happened I'm sorry. Can you call me? Please. I really want to figure this out and be your girlfriend again. I love you, Rachel._

Surprisingly I get a response two minutes later.

_Or I could do one better;)_

What does that mean? To answer me, the doorbell rings, there's only one person that can be so I fling the door open and see those beautiful brown eyes.

"Finn?" I whisper and jump into his arms, well arm since one is in a cast. He squeezes me tight and whispers in my ear

"I'm so sorry."

I pull my face out from his shoulder but still hold on to him for dear life "It's fine, I don't care, I love you and it doesn't matter." I press my lips to his and put as much passion into the kiss as I can.

He pulls away "Gosh, I love you." He smiles and puts his lips on mine for a moment.

He sets me down and we walk into the apartment.

"Wait!" I say

"What?"

"Where's this all going? What's next?"

He smiles "Well, if you and Kurt have the room, I would-"

"Yes! Yes! Of course we do!" I press my lips to his for a moment.

"Come on, lets go to bed." He smiles that goofy half smile and follows me into my room.

[Whatever you want can happen;)]

_Three months later, Finn's POV_

Since I know you're all wondering everything is working out. Kurt is surprisingly ok with me being here and I got a job at a music store and Rachel and I are just like we were senior year. There's only one piece missing I think as I open Rachel's jewelry box and find what I'm looking for. I take a deep breath and lift the ring out of the box.

I have the whole thing set up; I have a romantic dinner planed with roses, a half-decent outfit, and music. I'm ready.

Rachel walks through the door, looks at me standing by the table.

"Hey," she smiles "What's going on?"

"What? I can't surprise my beautiful girlfriend?"

She laughs as she wraps her arms around my neck and I around her waist. "I guess you can."

We're done eating and it's time. My palms are sweating and I'm not sure if I can spit out the words. I turn to her.

"Rach?"

"Yeah?"

I get out of my chair and down on my knee.

"Rachel," I begin and she's already freaking out and has her mouth covered with her hands "I love you and I can't imagine living the rest of my life with anyone else. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you with all my heart. Will you marry me?" I take out the ring.

She takes her hands down and smiles "Yes, of course."

I press my lips onto his and we continue into our perfect little piece of forever.


End file.
